I have these moments where I get extremely depressed and confused and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life or how I’m contributing to do a single fucking thing. Today I donated 2 dollars at shake shack and apparently I get a free milkshake next time. I don’t want a shitty milk shake I want to know that your organization actually feeds children who are hungry. The future is this dark terrifying hole and I’m paralyzed with fear. What the fuck am I doing with my life. When am I going to have the money to go to school. When am I going to have a relationship with my father. I’m so fucking tired of working everyday and dealing with rude people or men who eye fuck me or cat call me like I’m a literal piece of meat. I’m literally exhausted by life.
I’m extremely happy with my life right now. I am moving into a new apartment on the 31st with my best friends, I love my job (even though its starting to cause me anxiety), and For the first time in 5 months I feel really secure with my relationship with my cute boy. He came over a couple days ago and I told him exactly how I felt. I really really adore him and I just want to be an important person to him (I know I am and it’s awesome)
My next few goals are to better my nutrition next month, to get a car by the end of the year and to start school in January of 2014
All I want to do is cut. I feel like the biggest piece of shit for hurting the people that I love because of my own selfish ways. I hate myself.
let me put my head on your chest
let me tell you that everything is going to be okay
let me kiss you and play with your hair
let me give you head
I’m too sad to masturbate
I rarely get as horny as I used to
I feel really alone
yooooo shoutout to being dumped by someone you weren’t dating
im such a piece of shit i ruin everything
remember that you are worth respect, acceptance and love
fuck who doesn’t give you that
don’t let fear hold you back from doing what is right for you
everything is going to be okay
I’ve been really happy lately
I cry every night
What is emotional stability
pluck my hair from its roots and drop several sweet scripted messages into my brain, in reminder of your affection towards me
detach my hands from their sockets and store them in your hoodie pocket, you have a way of always warming them up.
I say “everything is okay” to myself about 30+ times a day to try to control my anxiety
day without food:3
vomit counts: 5
this is not okay
I feel like shit
I can’t start throwing up all the time again please not again
i want my hand to be held, my cheek to be kissed and sweet words whispered in my ear.
i want to do the same
im rotting from the inside out
i disgust myself
I do this really cool thing where I’m a terrible human being who sucks at being an adult and disapoints everyone all the time.