fuck fuck fuck
I hate myself.
I’m so sorry I missed your call baby girl. I know there is now way you can see this but I love you so so much. Please stay strong my love. You’ll make it through this. You’ll be out of that treatment center soon and you’ll be better than ever.
I am so mad at myself for not answering that call. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
I made out to tigers jaw yesterday and it was fucking great man
I haven’t made out with someone in so long
when I come home, someone please come over with a joint and make out with me
ugh I just want to go home and smoke my self stupid
anxiety sucks anxiety sucks anxiety sucks anxiety sucks
Oh I really did it now.
After a long ass email calling him an asshole several times, he deleted me.
….what an asshole
My chest is clenched and it’s heard to breathe
I’m letting my anxiety get to me, unfortunately. I’m letting a lot of things get to me lately. I can’t help but think that my feelings are unbelievably imbecilic. I can’t help but think that maybe I’m not pretty enough or smart enough.
Maybe no one really likes me. Maybe no one really cares.
why the fuck do I care who he’s with, why the fuck do I care who he’s with, why the fuck do I care who he’s with, why the fuck do I care who he’s with.
I need a drink
I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about today. I am flying to cancun this afternoon for spring break because my mother lives there, and I haven’t seen her in 14 months. I’m really excited and also very anxious. I still haven’t even started packing and I have to sit on my bed and smoke because if not my anxiety overtakes me and I will start hyperventilating. I wish someone slept in my bed with me last night and someone was here to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
My sisters want my brother and I to move back to Uruguay. They both know that my father is a terrible parent and said that we would be taken care of over there.
I want to get a college degree here but I do love my home country and gorgeous Montevideo.
I guess I have some thinking to do.
(Even though you are never going to see this)
I hope you know that I deleted your number because if not, I would just keep bothering you. I confessed my feelings to you two days ago and you won’t even reply my text messages. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I explained how damaged I am to you and I thought you understood, but I guess not because you wouldn’t be doing this to me. I guess the rigor if your life plan doesn’t even include seeing me after school. I hate the fact that I feel this way about you because you are really turning into a really big asshole. And the worst part is, the more you ignore me, the more I like you.
why am I so fucked up? ugh
I am a fucking failure and I will never amount to anything.
If could disappear, I promise you I would.
does anyone want to come over so I can kiss them and fall asleep while cuddling?